This was originally published on Liberal America on July 4, 2016.
As ya’ll know, I’m from The South. I was born and raised here in northern Alabama. There are many special expressions that we use here. I’ve compiled some of the funniest southern expressions I can find. We’ve all heard “ya’ll” and “buggy” and others. These are the most obscure and hilarious.
1. “She/He’s having a hissy fit.”This is used to refer to someone who has lost their temper.
2. “He/She’s having a duck fit.”This is one step above a hissy fit.
3. “He was so poor, he had a tumbleweed as a pet.”This is for when you are really broke.
4. “Those pants were so tight I could see her religion.”Obviously, this is used for scantily-clad women.
5. “Law, pull that down! We kin see clear to the promised land!”This is another one referring to skimpy clothing.
6. “Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit.”This is used to express surprise.
7. “I’m gonna cut your tail!”You might hear this if there is a fight going on.
8. “He’s so ugly, he didn’t get hit with the ugly stick, he got whopped with the whole forest!”For when you really want to insult someone.
9. “I’m gonna tan your hide.”Southern kids heard this when we were about to get a spanking.
10. “If that boy had an idea, it would die of loneliness.”If you ever had this expression directed at you, then you were probably very stupid.
11. “Don’t pee down my back and tell me it’s raining.”This is for when someone is lying to you.
12. “She could make a preacher cuss!”This is for when you are really irritated with someone.
13. “It’s so dry the trees are bribing the dogs.”This is used when referring to a bad drought.
14. “He’s so cheap he wouldn’t give a nickel to see Jesus ridin’ a bicycle.”This obviously describes a very cheap person.
15. “She’s stuck up higher than a light-pole.”When referring to a stuck-up person
16. “You’re lower than a snake’s belly in a wagon rut.”This is for someone you really don’t like.
17. “If you don’t stop that crying, I’ll give you something to cry about!”Many Southern children have heard this expression. This is for when your parents are extremely mad at you.
18. “There’s a tree stump in a Louisiana swamp with a higher IQ.”This is for when someone is particularly stupid.
19. “I’ll knock you into the middle of next week looking both ways for Sunday!”This means some shit is about to go down.
20. “It’s hotter than two rabbits screwin’ in a wool sock!”This is a very colorful way to complain about the Southern heat.